Decoding how our thoughts really do impact our reality.
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Any Tips on how to be so positive and upbeat like you always are? Being unemployed has really got me down.
Don't Worry, Be Happy
Firstly I’m sorry to hear about your employment struggles. I know unemployment is a great source of stress for people. Now onto your question.
I have noticed in my life that it is not life’s events that hurt me, its my thoughts and beliefs about them that cause the pain. So I simply question my thoughts. I teach this life skill to almost all my counselling clients now. It can be used for everything from coping with bullying to relationship issues to sexual dysfunction. And I hope that it helps you.
Using your example of being unemployed.
I can believe that I am unemployed because I’m useless or under skilled, I can believe that it could take forever for me to find a job. I could carry on playing the worry game and further catastrophise my future imagining doom and gloom.
Now if I believe those thoughts how am I going to be? Well I’m going to be depressed. I love emotionally eating so I'll probably live on tim tams and pizza. I'll probably spend a lot of time sleeping. I could turn to drinking and push my friends away by constantly lamenting about my crap situation. When I apply for jobs I might be panicked and just apply for loads of jobs and because I’m applying for anything and everything I probably wouldn’t put a great deal of effort into the applications. At interviews well I think I’m useless so I’m not going to interview well as I don’t even believe in myself.
Or I can live under the assumption that no mistakes can possibility happen; that I am unemployed because I need to be open to next great opportunity for me. That any job rejections that I may experience are really me being spared because that is not the right job for me. That the right job will come at the right time.
When I believe those thoughts, my life will look different. I may even be excited about applying for jobs. I may see my time off as a break for me to reassess my career, I might volunteer or start studying. I might want to help out those around me. And because I’m not adding to my stress I will be better prepared for interviews. I will probably think clearer and find making decisions easier.
Now this may sound too simple to work. But I can tell you in my personal life it has worked amazingly well. And in my private practice I am seeing amazing transformations in my clients and quite quickly. It’s all about finding a positive meaning in your challenges. Remember that ease makes less of an impression on us then our struggles. So find your way to dance in the rain.