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Think sexual adventures are only for your twenties? Think again!
I am a 44-year-old male happily married but feel as if I have missed something in my sex life. It feels like I was in the dark before marriage sexually. The things that people do that I had never heard about or seen have in some way consumed my thoughts. I was married before the Internet really took of and porn was nowhere as good as it is today. So 20 years ago lots of us men were in the dark sexually and very naïve.
Most 20 year olds are in the dark sexually or very naive, its not a gender thing. Sexuality is something that develops over our lifespan, rather than something to explore whilst we're young only to discard for more serious things as we get older. In fact many people say they experience their most mind blowing sex in their 50s or later. Whilst men have their hormonal sexual peak before their 20s, it's not until we start seeing the testosterone levels starting to drop in the 30s that the mind/imagination aspect starts to really emerge.
Now you’re happily married so I would encourage you to start the communication with your wife about exploring both your sexualities together. Remember that sex is meant to be fun, it really is all about playing and pleasure. Open a discussion about how introducing some new fun activities you might like by asking her first what she might like to try. Or create a sexual bucket list that you both can work towards.
If you find this conversation a little daunting there are awesome Internet tools that you can use if you are a little too shy. www.mojoupgrade.com is one. This tool acts as an intermediary between you and your partner. Both of you take the tests separately; it contains most but not all fetishes and sexual activities. You can choose to answer, no, yes or if my partner would like. The test will combine your answers and provide you with a combined report. It will only reveal the matches. So if you really want to try watersports but she doesn’t, it wont be listed on the report. So your disclosure is safe.
Often I find going through the report together opens up great conversations about the couple’s sex life.
Another resource to use on sexual fulfillment in long-term relationships is Dr David Schnarch’s book A Passionate Marriage. It is by far the best book I have found that discusses the development of sexuality and passion in a long-term relationship.